Concerning babies and naps...

A sweet POH reader asked the following question about babies and naps... I wrote her back but thought I'd give my response here in case anyone else wanted to know how I approach naps. It can be very frustrating for Moms because babies rarely follow the perfect "Baby Wise" schedule that you read about in all the parenting books. (Spoiler alert: I don't have all the answers! :)

Her Question:

"...I feel like I never got naps down for my oldest until he was maybe 18 months old. He was a catnapper and it drove me crazy! Now with my daughter, I can see the same problems, and I'm hoping for some advice. Does anyone have experience with lengthening naps in babies? I don't want to create a monster by letting her sleep everywhere but her crib (except at night - she does fine then), and having to reverse everything in a few months. I'm a big fan of babywearing, but I also want to create healthy sleep habits - it seems contradictory at times! Just curious if anyone had some tips or reassurance!"

My response:

I totally understand your frustration with naps! My babies all had a hard time taking a full nap (I consider at least 90 minutes a full nap; my girls generally woke up at 45 minutes). I probably don't have any great advice for you concerning naps. I will say that well-rested babies are much happier babies and I generally do whatever is necessary to give them a good nap! With my first, I would rock her back to sleep so she could finish her nap. (Oh, how I wish I could have the time to enjoy such bliss with each baby!) Once I had two children, that obviously wasn't possible, so I would wear Karlie in a sling/ baby carrier to finish her nap. And now with Abbi, I move her to the couch when she wakes up early from a nap because she will go right back to sleep. I also swaddle my babies tightly for the first 9 months or so and let them have a paci for about the first 13 months, which definitely helps them sleep better. I did have to do a form of cry-it-out with each of my older girls when I took away those sleep props (which I utterly hate doing!), but it usually only lasts a few days, teaches them how to sleep on their own, and I figure it is worth it to keep them from crying much in the first nine months. I also don't give my little babies a very long "awake" time -- at the first sign of a yawn I wrap them up and put them down for a nap. At 3 months, Abbi still hardly ever stays awake for more than an hour and is usually ready for a nap after only 45 minutes. As long as I don't let her stay up too long and get overtired, she never puts up any fight to go to sleep.

Sorry that I don't have any other great ideas, but please know that naps are something all Moms struggle with. My babies are all very different from each other, but I've never had a perfect napper :)

Baby Steps For Eating Healthy

I'm a health nut. A lot of people think I am crazy. But I have my reasons. I have so many friends and have read so many stories of people who have been relieved of big-time problems just by eating healthy. Problems like infertility, asthma, food allergies, autism, seasonal allergies, fibromyalgia, arthritis, irritable bowel syndrome, depression, and the list goes on and on. I just can't ignore it. What you eat affects how you live!

I wish I could, but I don't really have the time today to put together a post to convince you of the importance of good nutrition. I'm just hoping that you believe me. I mean, every mom wants her family to be healthier, right? But how to start? Who has the time to make everything from scratch? I try so hard, but I definitely don't.

When I began my real food journey after my first baby was born, I was totally overwhelmed with all the changes that I thought I "had" to make. I finally realized that I could only do one little change at a time. Once I got that one improvement down pat, I moved on to the next change I wanted to make. For instance, first I started making my own bread. The next year I started buying grain and ground it with with my cheap coffee bean grinder and the following year I finally bought a nice grain mill. So it took me about 3 years before I finally reached one of my initial goals. An easier and faster goal for me was to buy good quality milk from a local farmer because it didn't require as much time on my part. We just had to re-arrange our grocery budget so that we could afford it. That was a quick change that drastically improved my family's health. (Note: if you cut out processed foods from your grocery budget, you will find ample money left for better quality food!)

So just in case you are like I was, (wanting to change the way my family ate but not knowing where to start) I thought I'd give you some good links to help give you some direction. My biggest advice would be to start reading labels, and refuse to buy things that you cannot pronounce or items that contain high fructose corn syrup or soy. Avoiding those products will greatly improve your health. And then start on some of the worthy steps that these other bloggers mention. Good luck!

Nutritional Eating on a Budget -- Lindsay's "do-able" steps to real food

Simple Ways to Improve Your Digestion

Good Foundational Eating Habits -- Good advice from Kitchen Stewardship

Rookie Tips from Kelly the Kitchen Kop

Cheeseslave's 15 tips for Beginners

Nourished Kitchen Tips for Newbies

Baby Steps In the Kitchen

Making It Practical -- from WAPF

A closer look at our schooling decision...

My educational background is quite diverse: private school in kindergarten, public for 1st and 2nd grade, homeschooled in 3rd, public for 4-5th, homeschooled 6th, private in 7th, and public 8-12th grade. Whew! I know it sounds crazy, but I was actually excited about each change, enjoyed it, and excelled each year. I was Valedictorian of my public high school so I definitely do not think my various schooling methods bothered my education.  So I'm a firm believer that a child can do well in any school as long as the parents are highly involved. I totally respect my parents for being willing to do whatever they thought was best for me each year. I doubt I'll switch my girls around quite that much, but I do plan to re-evaluate each year and spend much time in prayer about the decision. I'm very much a fan of the classical-style education and I'm not sure I could do it justice as my girls grow older. Most likely I will home-school in the early years and send them to a private Classical Christian school for at least high school if we can afford it at that time. But we will just take it year by year...

We decided to homeschool this year for several reasons. Since I taught pre-school and loved it, I just can't see paying someone else to teach my daughter. I'm really excited about all the fun things I want to do with Karis! And we really don't have the money right now to pay for preschool. Also, she and Karlie are such great friends that I really hate to separate them right now. They entertain each other so well and I really think that Karlie would be much more of a handful without her big sister to play with. But the main reason I want to keep Karis home with me is so that I can spend more time with her. I want to have more time to cook with her, read more Bible stories, remind her how to peacefully resolve conflicts with her sister, sing with her, encourage her imagination, and so much more! I also think that kids should be kids and have lots of time to just play so I'm just not in any hurry to send her off to school.

Here are some of the things I plan to do with Karis in the fall:

-- Join a local homeschool co-op group that goes on field trips together each month

-- Join a MOPS group so that she will have more opportunity to play with kids her age and so that I can get to know some other Moms in the area

--Read most of the books from the Sonlight 4/5 curriculum (by checking them out at the library or buying them used)

-- Purchase the My Father's World Curriculum to use with her -- I love that it is classically based and is filled with fun, "hands on" activities that she will enjoy!

-- Continue using tracing, dot-to-dot, and other workbooks to develop her writing skills

-- Continue going throughThe Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teach Reading by Wise with Karis

For Kindergarten the following year, I will probably use Handwriting without Tears and Saxon Math (because I used it when I taught preschool and loved the repetition and all the fun manipulatives!)

Life with 3 littles...

Since my little baby is now about 2 1/2 months old, I thought I'd discuss how life has changed for us with 3littles under the age of four. I have definitely not figured it all out yet! It is difficult in many ways but absolutely wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for anything! I have to say that this little poem below perfectly describes the stage of life that I am now in:

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow, for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs; dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep!"

First of all, I really believe that 3 under 4 is way easier than 2 under 2. My big girls are able to entertain each other so well and they understand when I need to focus on the baby. They are also really big helpers and love to get things that I need and can clean up fairly well on their own. This is a big difference from when I had Karlie and Karis was only 20 months old.

The first month with the new baby was actually fairly easy. My big girls were enamored with Abbi and I had a lot of help from the grandparents and meals from my church family. The second month, however, was much more difficult. The girls began acting out more, obviously because we had slacked off in discipline for the first month and because they got quite spoiled from all the attention of the grandparents. We really had to buckle down and start again from square one. They almost had to completely re-learn obeying "all the way, right away, and with a happy heart." But we worked at it and things are much better now!

Honestly, the relational and emotional aspect of being a mother to three has been fairly easy and such a joy! I love each stage that all my children are in and relish the time we spend together. I'm not one to crave busyness and am quite happy to stay at home and spend time with my girls. So what has been the most difficult or frustrating part about this season? Simply getting things done! Everything seems to take so much longer with three little ones! I have so many fun things I want to do with my girls (art projects, cooking projects, playtime outside, reading, "school time," etc,) not to mention the housework that keeps piling up. And each day, when I look at my "to-do" list, I find that if I am lucky, I have only crossed off one item. Seriously. How is it that I can be at my house all day long and the only visual accomplishment I see is the 3 loads of laundry, cleaned, but still in piles, still waiting for me to find the time and energy to fold and put away? Just getting us dressed and ready for our day seems to take forever now.

So I just wanted to let you know that I don't have it all together. And I think that is ok. I'm still trying to keep an organized home for my family. But even if I fail some days, I try to remind myself that what really matters is my attitude and whether I am consistently portraying the love of Christ to my girls. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being a mother to 3! But I have to watch myself and not allow myself to get frustrated with the girls for mylack of ability to get things done. When I finally have the bedroom clean but the girls quickly destroy it again while I am nursing Abbi in the other room, do I fuss at them in exasperation or do I pray for patience and calmly instruct them how to clean it up? When Abbi is *supposed* (as if an infant is *supposed* to be doing anything!) to be napping while I am trying to fix dinner, but wakes up every 5 minutes because she is burping, do I take joy in the chance to snuggle with her for another minute or do I grow frustrated that dinner won't be ready on time? I really do treasure this precious time, but sometimes I have to remind myself to just enjoy it and not get upset that my house is a mess. My girls are such a blessing from the Lord and this season of life will pass all too quickly for me to worry about such things

Trying to eat well while battling horrible morning sickness...

A friend recently asked me how in the world she could eat well when morning sickness made her feel sick at just the thought of food! I can totally relate; it seems that with each pregnancy, I am more sick. Last time I couldn't even go into the kitchen without wanting to throw up! I literally held my breath as I tried to get my girls lunch each day and it was usually just almonds and cheese or something easy like that. My husband fixed meals the rest of the time because it bothered me so much.

I hate to admit this, but I pretty much gave up being healthy during the first trimester... I just couldn't eat hardly anything. So I would say, just eat whatever sounds good to you and if nothing does, try to swallow some buttered toast or a cracker! If you don't eat anything, you will feel so much worse! You can make up for it and try to eat healthier as soon as the morning sickness passes.

The carbs always sounded the best to me -- mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, grilled cheese, chunks of cheese, etc. Soups are very good for you, so if you can swallow some chicken noodle, that would be great. And I never ate in the kitchen because the thought of all that food in there bothered me so much -- I always ate on the couch and in my bed. For breakfast, it was much easier to eat something before I sat up, so my husband would bring me a piece of buttered toast and I would eat it laying down. If I didn't do that , then I usually had a hard time eating anything!

Also, try going a a day or two without your prenatal vitamins and see if you feel better. I'm never one to actually throw up during pregnancy usually, I just feel miserable, but my vitamins actually made me sick to my stomach! As soon as I got rid of them, I stopped throwing up. Of course, it didn't help my paranoia that I wasn't giving my baby any nutrients, but I figured that if I was throwing it up, the vitamins weren't helping anyways You can always try a different brand and see if it helps.

If you are a milk drinker, that can sometimes help settle your stomach. Milk was probably the best way I gave my baby nutrients during that time. If your Kroger carries Homestead Creamery whole milk, it is ten times more nutritious than other brands at the store. I get mine straight from a farm and some days all I did was drink milk.

Lara Bars are the "healthiest" snack bars available and if you can find a flavor that sounds good to you, stock up on them. Kroger carries them, as well as other health food stores. My favorite is peanut butter cookie and all it contains are peanuts and dates-- no bad sweeteners or unnatural foods. Somehow I could eat those when feeling sick. They can be pricey, but they often go on sale 10/10 and I stock up then. They are worth the price if you can't eat anything else!

Ginger and honey tea can help settle your stomach. I didn’t want any of my normal favorite teas when I had morning sickness, but a simple ginger tea did seem to help a little bit. I bought fresh ginger at the grocery store and would simply cut off a few pieces and let it steep in my hot water for a few minutes. It was a very mild ginger taste and I would add just a drop of honey as well.

Snacks and lunches kids will eat

My girls seem to enjoy fingerfood/ snacks more than any other kind of food. They would be perfectly happy eating them for every meal! Since snacks can actually be very healthy (as well as super easy to throw together!), we often eat a combination of them for our lunches whenever we don't have leftovers from last nights dinner. I usually try to have a dairy/protein, a grain/nut, and fruit combination. Cheese chunks, almonds, and sliced apples is a favorite lunch combination, as well as plain yogurt, granola, raisins, and dehydrated coconut. Here are some of our favorite snacks/lunches, and I would love to get some more ideas to add to my list from our POH readers! Please share!

soaked and dehydrated almonds
soaked and dehydrated pecans
cheese chunks, raw if possible!
raisins
grapes, apple slices, banana, and other fruit, often with sunflower or almond butter
frozen blueberries (very messy, though, so not good for the car! But they are my girls' absolute favorite and we always keep some in the freezer for a quick fix for teething and busted lips :)
frozen or cooked peas
home-made granola
Home-made "power bars" 
dehydrated, unsweetened coconut flakes
cut up dates, often with sunflower or almond butter on them
black beans (my girls will eat them cold! But they stain as well, so be careful!)
cooked brown rice pasta (yes, they will eat that cold, as well :)
home-made crackers
mini-muffins
breakfast cookies
applesauce -- if you don't make your own, then please buy the unsweetened kind so you aren't giving your kids HFCS!!! The "original" kind is full of HFCS!
yogurt -- if you don't make your own, then try to get plain (unflavored) full-fat yogurt. It can be hard to find. When we are on the road, we get Fage Greek yogurt for the girls or Organic Stonyfield plain with the cream on top.
Coconut oil chocolate candy with raisins, slivered almonds, and coconut (a great way to get more coconut oil into them!)

Homemade cereal

My 3rd birth story

Although I never thought that Abbi Grace would come after her due date, it was truly the perfect timing and I praise God for it!

Some examples of why I now see that God's timing was perfect:

1. She stayed put during the flu and long recovery.

2. Although I really wanted her to come while my parents were here over the weekend, it would have been an impossible situation for Mark. Many of his coaches and workers came down with the flu and it turned out to be one of the busiest and most stressful weekends of work for him. He told me later on that he had no idea how he would have been able to cover things had I gone into labor that weekend!

3. Both sets of grandparents were already here so my girls were taken care of and no one had to travel in the middle of the night!

4. We all got a good night's sleep before labor began! With both Karis and Karlie, I labored overnight and was so utterly exhausted that it was hard to keep my eyes open to enjoy my new baby. This time, although I was physically exhausted, I didn't have that lingering, miserable headache due to sleep deprivation and it made such a difference!

So, here is the story... 

Well, my due date came and went. The baby still had not dropped in the least! My parents had been here for the weekend, which was wonderful, but I told them to go on home Sunday afternoon because I wasn't showing any signs of labor. I had some mild contractions Sunday night during the Superbowl that were more real (crampy rather than just a tightening) but nothing painful or regular at all, so I went on to bed, feeling like this baby would never come.

Around 2am I woke up completely, having some more contractions and feeling sick to my stomach. Was that because of the mad amounts of sausage-rotel dip I ate during the Superbowl, or was my body cleansing itself to get ready for labor? After a couple hours of not being able to go back to sleep due to contractions and bathroom runs, I figured that Abbi might actually be on the way!

I called my parents and Mark's in the morning before they left for work just to tell them that I *might* be in the beginning stages of labor so they could keep their suitcases in the car. I knew that with Karlie, it took my body about 24 hours of mild "real" contractions and feeling sick before the super-painful, "go-to-the-hospital" type of labor actually commenced. I was worried that the contractions would slow down once I got moving and didn't want them all coming if it was a false alarm. So I encouraged them to wait.

But since I was over-due and they didn't want to be making any "middle of the night" long drives, both of our parents decided to go ahead and come. Mark's parents, who were going to keep the girls for us, left right away. My folks were going to leave after work unless we called and said things were moving faster. But sure enough, once I got moving around, the contractions faded. I was sure Mark's parents' had come for no reason.

They got to our house by naptime, and I was so thankful! I was exhausted since I had been up sick the night before and I was able to take a long nap. I also took a LONG, brisk walk trying to move things along and a long, hot shower just because it felt so good. I would not have been able to do any of those things had Mark's parents not come early. But I felt really bad that they had come, because the contractions had slowed down almost completely and I was just sure it was a false alarm! I called my parents and told them not to worry about coming because I just wasn't having contractions anymore. Too late; they had already booked the hotel room beside the hospital for the night and they were getting in the car ready to come.

I went to bed that night around 8:30 just because I was so tired. Every time I woke up, I prayed for contractions because I really wanted Abbi to come while they were here. But I felt nothing.Later on, I realized what a blessing it had been to get a break from the contractions because I actually got a full 8 hours of sleep before real labor began!

Around 5:00, I woke up with contractions that actually really, really hurt! I knew they were the real thing, but they weren't close enough together to be sure she was coming right away. I got up to see if they would still come if I walked around and to call my doula. Mark's Mom heard me and started to time my contractions. They were 10 minutes apart, and after just a couple of bounces on the exercise ball, they started coming at 5, then, 3, then 2 minutes apart! It was amazing how fast they changed and how painful they got so quickly! I woke Mark, and we quickly gathered our things and left for the hospital around 6am.

We had a 40 minute drive to the hospital, and it was excruciating! I had switched hospitals so I could use a midwife group that was more happy about my "natural"birth plan and it was the wisest decision that I had made. Instead of a humongous "business-like" hospital that had their own routine and formula for births, this tiny hospital truly catered to EVERYTHING in my birth plan. Not one person walked in the door that had not read it, and they kindly asked before doing ANYTHING that wasn't in the plan. I was utterly amazed! They really left us alone to labor as we wished, which is what I wanted. I did have to let them monitor the baby's heart-beat for just 10 minutes when I first got there, but I never even saw anyone after that!

We got in the hospital room right around 7am. My doula got there shortly after we did, and as my husband later said, "That was the best money ever spent!" Oh, she was so wonderful! As soon as I got off the baby monitor, we started walking the halls. I would walk till a contraction hit, and then lean against the wall while she applied strong counter-pressure to my back. I cannot tell you how much it helped!!! We did this for about an hour, until I had a double contraction (One that never completely ended before it peaked again) and pretty much passed out.

They got me a wheel chair and we called for the nurse to check me since it looked like I was starting to go through transition. (This was the first time I had been checked since I wrote in my birth plan that I didn't want unnecessary checks.) I was at 8, and definitely going through transition. The only position that I could handle was on my hands and knees. Transition is always the worst part for me, because although pushing is unbelievably painful, there is an excitement and adrenaline that keeps you going as you feel the baby traveling down the birth canal -- utterly amazing! Plus, you just have to keep pushing to stop the pain :) But transition is just flat out horrible! I started asking if I could push and they just said to do whatever I felt like. We called for the midwife at this point (whom we had not even seen yet!) She checked me and my water broke and things really started moving!

I was very surprised that the nurse and midwife pretty much said nothing as I labored. In both of my other births, they would tell me when to push and hold my breath, etc. But this time they let me just be in tune with my body and contractions and pushing when Ifelt like I needed to. It was hard for me at first to get the hang of it because the pain was so intense, but once I got control of myself, it was utterly amazing (although excruciating) to feel how my contractions and pushing moved the baby down the birth canal. I was much more focused and it also helped me not to tear this time. I remember needing encouragement, though, and asking them to talk to me, to tell me when they saw the baby's head crown and tell me what her hair looked like :) I remember the last contraction before actually pushing her out and being so disappointed that it ended before I could get her out because she felt so close!

The next contraction was enough to do it and I simply cannot describe the utter joy and relief I felt as they immediately passed the baby up to me and let me hold her. It is such an amazing moment and I tear up just thinking about it! Having a baby is undoubtedly the most painful thing I can ever imagine, but also the most miraculous! During labor, I aways tell myself to do myself a favor and just adopt next time, but then after holding the baby for the first time, I want to do it again and again and again because there is nothing as amazing and wonderful in the world!

Abbi was born very alert and wanting to suck immediately. And she didn't want to stop! She honestly nursed for the first 2 hours of her life! I was amazed because with Karis, I had the epidural and she was too groggy to nurse long. And Karlie was just too interested in looking around at her new world to nurse for long. But Abbi wanted to suck and she got mad overtime I tried to take her off :) I know she wasn't getting anything out of me after the first bit, but it was such a comfort to her and I knew that it would help my milk come in quickly and my uterus contract back to where it was before.

I cannot praise this little hospital enough. They really left us alone as much as we wanted and it was such a contrast to my other 2 births. They even told me that if I wanted to go home that evening (just 12 hours after giving birth!), that I could! We wanted to, but I was so light-headed after losing all that blood that I passed out the first time I tried to stand up and go to the bathroom. So we decided to stay one night so I could call for help if I needed it. The nurse offered to get orders from my doctor to leave us alone all night so that we wouldn't get woken up every hour to do checks like they normally do. It was amazing!

Some thoughts as I look back:

1. I wrote a really long Birth Plan and I was worried that it might be too long. But they read every word and seemed to really be respectful of my wishes and I was glad that I had put everything in there. For example, when I got there, they never even asked me to put on the hospital gown or to check to see if I had dilated. They really just left me alone til I called, and I appreciated that so much!

2. I asked them to just give Abbi a light sponge bath with warm water to get the blood off instead of using the chemical-laden baby soap so that the protective vernix layer on her skin would stay as long as possible. I really think that it helped her skin in general so much because my other girls had peeling skin for probably two weeks, while Abbi's skin looked pretty normal after only 2 days.

3. A doula is well worth the money every time!!!!! We thought about not paying for one since Mark had learned some things last time, but I am ever so glad that we did. It was such a relief to know that Jamie was there and knew what I was going through and how to help me. Then pain relief she brought was amazing, as well as the security in knowing she could deliver the baby if the midwife didn't show up in time. I had a real fear of them telling me to "wait" to push because the doctor wasn't ready, and if you don't have pain meds, that just isn't possible! My doula was worth every penny and more!

4. I really liked wearing my own clothes vs. that horrible hospital gown :)

5. A small hospital doesn't give you a menu and the food is horrible -- I was so thankful that Cracker Barrel was right next door and that I had parents to get me good food :) I was also really thankful for the good snacks I had packed.

6. My Mom and doula reminded me to drink my water/coconut water mixture after every contraction and it really helped to stay hydrated like that! I would never have remembered on my own.

7. My intense labors have thankfully decreased in time by almost 50% each baby. With Karis, I labored for 15 hours, with Karlie, it was 8 hours, sand with Abbi, it was 4. (Of course, that does not include the day (s) before where my body is in the beginning stages of labor and cleansing itself and having contractions to prepare for the big moment :)

8. While the labors grow thankfully shorter, the after-labor contractions grow much more painful and last a lot longer. With Karis, I really only remember a few light contractions after birth. With Karlie, they maybe lasted for several hours. But with my third, they lasted several days and really hurt a lot! I honestly had trouble sleeping the first 2 nights because the contractions hurt so badly and kept me uncomfortable. Of course, part of that is because I didn't take any pain meeds with Karlie and Abbi, so I felt it more. But they definitely didn't last this long with Karlie!

9. If you have a natural birth, don't ever push on your back! It is so much more painful and you are so much more likely to tear. That was the main reason why I switched to a mid-wife group and it made such a difference. I was so much more comfortable (if you can be comfortable in labor - Ha!) and able to keep myself from tearing on my hands and knees.

10. Having a baby is undoubtedly the most painful and thrilling experience that I have ever had. It is worth every second of nine months of feeling sick and uncomfortable and in pain! I am utterly in awe at God's miracle of birth. I praise God for His perfect timing and the way He answered such specific prayers that I had about the birth.