Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Current New Baby favorites

My new baby is two weeks old and there are a few things that have just made life better or easier this time around and I thought I'd share:

1. DockAtot -- A sweet friend is letting me borrow this and it has been a lifesaver!  I've always had the baby beside the bed and I've always been extremely anemic after giving birth so I would end up with bruises all over my arms from trying to pick her up from the Pack N Play or co-sleeper.  This is the first time I've put the baby in bed beside me and it has been so wonderful!  I know she is safe in there and it is so easy to check on her or pat her back or adjust her swaddle without even having to sit up!  

2.  Nutbutter squeeze packs -- My doula gave me some of these to eat during and after labor for some quick protein and I just loved them!  Now they are my favorite "middle of the night nursing snacks."  I seem to always get hungry around 3am when I'm nursing. 

3.  These soft, stretchy pants -- My last month of pregnancy, I got so big and uncomfortable that I just hated wearing my maternity jeans.  I didn't want to spend a lot of money on maternity pants since I was so close to the end of my pregnancy, but I needed something cute to wear that was more comfortable.  I found these on Amazon and liked them so much I bought a second pair!  Now that I am two weeks postpartum, they are stretchy enough to still stay up and they continue to be my favorite pair of pants!

4.  Miracle swaddle -- Now I have probably posted about this sometime before because I've used it with my last 4 babies, but it is such a lifesaver that I had to mention it again.  This is the only swaddle that could possibly last through 4 kids because it doesn't have any velcro.  This swaddle is genius because it uses the baby's own weight to keep it in place instead of velcro that weakens with use.  I actually forgot to pack it in my hospital bag and thoroughly regretted it when my baby kept wriggling out of the hospital blanket swaddle several times a night!  I was so thankful to get home and find it so we could get a better night's sleep!

Friday, February 28, 2020

Hope during the silent devastation of miscarriage

In honor of the baby I lost exactly one year ago, I decided to write this post.  Miscarriage is devastating and it is extremely common.  But it is one of the least-talked about tragedies in a public setting.  Until I had my miscarriage, I had absolutely no idea that so many women walk around with such deep scars from losing a baby.  I had no idea what a painful journey it was to heal from a miscarriage.  I was so incredibly blessed to have several godly, caring women share their experiences and encouragement with me.  Without such love and knowledge of how to handle my despair, I fear that I would have stayed the in the darkness of depression much longer.   That is why I decided to write this post: to hopefully give some hope to other women enduring such pain and perhaps enable those who have never experienced it to understand a little better.

 Unless you have lost a baby yourself, you absolutely cannot relate.  I had seen others go through miscarriage and thought to myself, "wow, I can't imagine losing a baby.  That must be so hard."  And I had tried to encourage others and take food, etc., to help as best I knew how.   But after my miscarriage, it was so different.  When I heard of a friend going through the same devastation, I could not sleep.  I was up for hours that night, weeping for her, praying for her, and asking God to show me how I might encourage her through such a difficult time.  I share this difference for two reasons:

1. If you have been through a miscarriage, your experience and encouragement is absolutely invaluable to a hurting mother. Please, please, please, don't be afraid to reach out!  Even the simplest text can help so much just to know this pain isn't hers alone.  One of my friends simply texted me that  she was praying for me, that she had walked this road before, and she knew it wasn't easy.  Such a short text but it was the first bit of comfort I had gotten and it meant the world to me to know I wasn't the only one who had experienced such pain.  I previously had no idea she had experienced a miscarriage and would never have guessed it.  But it helped to know someone who had been there was praying for me and had made it through.  Another friend had experienced a more recent miscarriage and she was willing to share some details with me about it.  I cannot tell you how much it helped just to know I was not alone!  There were similarities in our stories and it encouraged me so much to hear hers.  Every single person who texted, wrote a note, sent a meal, or called to share in my sorrow was such a blessing.

2.  If you have not had a miscarriage, it is honestly going to be difficult for you to know how to actually encourage her verbally, but it is still really nice to know you care.  Dropping off a loaf of pumpkin bread or some ham biscuits, offering to take her other kids for a playdate, etc., will all be appreciated.  She will be in a deep emotional fog for a while and taking care of basic needs is so helpful!  But she probably won't want a meal train set up because it is such a private pain.

There are some things commonly said to women who have had miscarriages that, although said with good intentions, can be quite crushing at the time.  Please don't ever tell a grieving mother that she could always adopt or to be thankful for the children God has already blessed her with.  Although soon enough she will probably become obsessed with having another baby, at the moment of her loss she is not just grieving "any" baby.  The moment she sees that line on the pregnancy test, God fills a mother's heart with such incredible love for that particular baby growing inside her.  It is that baby that she is so shocked and devastated to lose and for that baby alone that she grieves.  She has already begun to dream of holding that baby and how it would fit into the family.  Love and hopes and dreams begin immediately.  It doesn't matter how many children you already have or whether you have known about the baby only a day or a week or months.

When I had my miscarriage, I already had 5 absolutely wonderful and healthy children.  We weren't even really trying for another baby but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I was so ecstatic and so in love with my new baby.  It sounds unbelievable but it is the absolute truth.  I only knew my baby for a week before I lost it, but yet the experience was probably the most difficult and heart-wrenching experience I have ever gone though.  And yes, in time, my miscarriage did indeed make me so much more thankful for the children I already had because it made me realize what an absolute miracle they were.  But at the time of my loss, I simply needed to hear that my baby was a real baby and that it was ok to grieve this baby I had barely known but had loved so fiercely.

 It honestly felt ridiculous to be this devastated over a baby I had only just found out about but the emotions and crazy hormones were absolutely undeniable.  I am in general a very happy, optimistic person.  It is very rare that I feel discouraged or anxious.  I believe that is partly my personality and mostly because of my faith and trust in a God who loves me and never fails.  However, after I lost my baby, I could do nothing but cry for days.  I couldn't sing nursery rhymes or read to my sweet toddler without breaking down.  I couldn't even laugh at her adorableness or ridiculousness.  I was not myself at all.  This was not a lack of faith because I still truly believed that God was good and that He had a reason for us to go through this.  This was grief, pure and simple.  This was perhaps a slight taste of what postpartum depression must be like.  It was hormones and grief wrapped up together in a deep emotional fog that I felt like I could not escape from.  After a few days of weeping uncontrollably, I finally just prayed, "God, I don't want to be a sad Mommy.  I want to be happy Mommy for my girls and enjoy them again.  Please just let me laugh once today."  And I did.  It was a real laugh, a fleeting glimpse of the joyful person I used to be.  But it was the beginning.  And the next day, I was able to laugh a bit more, and the next day, I began to sing again.  And slowly, with daily encouragement from my friends and answered little prayers that showed me once again of God's amazing love, I gradually came out of my fog and began to feel like my normal self again.  I had setbacks, of course, times when I would get emotional and grieve for my baby again. The week of my original due date was particularly difficult.  But I never again went back to that emotional fog and my times of despair grew fewer and fewer as the year went on.

I share this story not at all for sympathy, because I do truly believe my miscarriage was part of God's plan and I learned so much and grew so much from it.  I share this story because I do not think many people have any idea what a mother goes through during a miscarriage and she truly needs support and needs to know she is not alone and that it is completely normal to grieve a baby she has never met.  I share my story to give a grieving mother hope that she will one day again feel like her normal self and to encourage her to share her story with someone else in need. 

If anyone is still struggling with grief over the loss of a baby or another loved one, I highly recommend this message my husband preached about hope through suffering right after our miscarriage.  It was one of his first times preaching in front of such a large crowd so you can tell he was a little nervous, but it was such a raw and heartfelt message that I really believe it could bring encouragement to those suffering from grief.

(Disclaimer:  This is simply my own personal experience and I know others have gone through much worse and respond differently.  I simply wrote this to bring awareness to a common but often undiscussed devastation that so many women endure.)

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Our Summer Technology Rules

I know that this topic can be controversial, but we have decided that technology should not take up a lot of time in our family.  The girls get plenty of exposure at school and elsewhere, and we would simply rather spend time together doing more profitable things.  We have old phones and one tablet, but they are always on airplane mode (not connected to the internet except when I download stories)  and are used only to listen to audiobooks at rest-time or bedtime.  My 10 and 12 year old have recently been asking to play games on my computer like they see friends doing at school, so I have given them each 15 minutes on Saturday and only if all their chores have been done cheerfully on time each day the previous week.  We are generally busy doing family things on Saturdays, anyways, so they probably are only able to do it about once a month and the only games they play are Oregon Trail and Solitaire and a music game called Quaver.  However, now that they have more free time during the summer, they have been asking to use my computer more often to request library books and type stories or plays they write together or recipes that they love.  I honestly don't mind that type of use on the computer, but I still find importance in reducing any type of screen time because of the cumulative effect and the simple fact that I would rather they be interacting with the family. To avoid the constant requests, I wrote out the following rules for my three oldest girls for the summer and it has been a lot of fun to see them complete them.  In addition, the younger sisters have really benefited from them!  Last year the 7-year old sister actually thanked me for the rules because she really enjoyed all the extra interaction and help from her two big sisters!  My girls are avid readers so I didn't put reading a chapter book for 20 minutes on the list.  However, I did put that they should read 3 picture books on the list because they rarely read those anymore.  Picture books are so succinct that the authors usually use very precise and particular grammar that is often more valuable for them to read than the chapter books that they will choose read for hours.

I thought I would also share two links on the topic that I have really enjoyed lately.  The first is an article Entitled "Twelve Tips for Parenting in the Digital Age" and the second is part of a three-part podcast series (and I highly recommend all three parts!) called "Possessions, Entertainment, and Friends."

Computer Rules
Computer time only if:
1.Done chore of the day with happy heart and Mama inspects and checks it off
2.Done math page and journal page for day
3.Dressed/ teeth/ hair
4.Done devotions and prayer journal
5.Read 3 picture books Mama requested at the library
6.Played outside at least 20 minutes
7.Made/ built/ colored something creative or artistic for at least 20 minutes
8.Practiced chord of the week for 10 min
9.Done soccer drill of the week for 10 min
10.Played a game or done a puzzle
11.Helped someone in family
12.Read to a younger sibling for at least ten minutes

Monday, July 17, 2017

The chapter books that won over my girls...

There is a fine line between being able to read and suddenly devouring chapter books.  It is as if a light switch turned on and suddenly the child who just a few days ago didn't want to read a simple reader suddenly wants to read a chapter book every waking second.  What does it take for that light switch to turn on?  A well-written chapter book that draws the child into the story and makes her want to read another one!  This just recently happened with my third reader and I thought I'd share which chapter books helped my girls make the jump from "able to read but not willing to put forth the effort" to "Mama, can you please request the next book in this series at the library?"

1st child:  The Boxcar Children by Warner and Mandie books by Leppard
2nd Child: Rainbow Magic Fairy Books by Meadows and Encyclopedia Brown books by Sobol
3rd Child: Princess Katie's Kittens by Sykes and The Princess In Black series by Hale

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Summer 2017 chores for my 6-10 year olds


In addition to cleaning their table spot each meal and doing a tiny bit of math review and piano each day, all my older girls all have a particular chore assigned for each week-day in the summer. These chores are similar to their school-year chores but take just a bit more time since they have more time on their hands.  For instance, during the school-year they all have a day to sweep but during the summer, they have to both sweep and mop.  During the school-year they quickly wipe down the bathroom sink and toilet but during the summer I add scrubbing the tub and sweeping the floor to their job description.   The girls are excited because this summer I am giving them all one night each week to help me cook dinner. They can help me plan the menu but they have to do the dishes as well.  I spend the first 2 weeks each summer going over exactly how I expect chores to be done and supervising and then I pretty much let them do it by themselves as best they can for the rest of the summer.  If they need help, they can ask, but for the most part they are quite independent with their chores.   My 4 year old isn't on the list because she doesn't read yet, but she knows she must help me with a chore each day, such as emptying out the dishwasher or helping me pick up things from the floor or do laundry.

NameMondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFriday
6-year oldsweep DRlaundry and clean dresserclean guest bathroomHelp with dinner and clean upvacuum Alyssa's room
8 year oldvacuum and dust/sweep LRclean master bathroomsweep and mop art roomlaundry and clean roomHelp with dinner and clean up
10 year oldlaundry and clean roomHelp with dinner and clean upvacuum and dust/ sweep LRsweep and mop DRclean master bathroom

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Birthday Traditions in a big family

Having 5 children can be quite expensive, especially when it comes to birthdays. It has taken us a while, but we are starting to develop some birthday traditions to help with the cost and at the same time give our girls something to look forward to.

First of all, our girls share a birthday celebration with a sister. They have many of the same friends, so it works out nicely and they have been quite happy (thus far) to share celebrations. We have two winter birthdays and two spring birthdays. Our newest fall blessing might get to celebrate on her own but it will be a while before we have to decide about that. In general, we just do small, simple family birthdays until the age of five. At that age, the child can invite more friends to a party shared with a sister if it is a party year. We used to take the girls out to eat for their birthdays, but now that we have 5 children, it is too expensive to do that. So now I let them plan a menu for breakfast and dinner on their special day and that has been quite fun for them to do! After dinner, we share presents with the birthday girl. The sisters usually choose something from their own toys to give to the birthday girl that they know she has always liked. It is always sweet and funny to see what they come up with. My husband and I don't spend a lot of money on birthday presents, but we try to find things on sale during the year that the child will love. For instance, my eldest loves to bake so she received some silicone muffin liners and cookie cutters that I found for a good deal, along with some special pens that she loves to use to write down recipes for her recipe collection. We also try to take time to look at baby pictures and talk about what we remember about their birth and talk about what a special time it was. In addition, they always get to help make a special birthday treat to take to school and share with their friends. In our family, we definitely try to make the day special rather than giving many expensive presents.

My parents started a few traditions with the girls to celebrate certain birthdays and it has been so fun for them to look forward to those years that we have added a few more of our own. Here are the ones we have come up with so far:

5 Years - first party with friends

7 Years -- can receive an American Girl Doll as a present and begins birthday lunch date and shopping trip with Grandma and Papa

9 years -- Destination birthday but no friends party (My eldest desperately wanted to go to the American girl store so we planned a fun trip to Charlotte and let them shop at the mall there. I think when my second-born turns 9 we are going to take them all to the Great Wolf Lodge!)

10 years -- Special fancy lunch date at Hotel Roanoke with Grandma and Papa

11 years -- Can get ears pierced and attend Mama-Daughter retreat at Camp Eagle (our church camp provides wonderful date nights that we would love to attend each year with all our girls but they are too expensive for big families like ours. We've opted to wait and enjoy them individually at the crucial "tween" stages because they provide a good opportunity to chat about issues too old for younger sisters.)

12 years -- sometime during the 12th year Daddy will randomly whisk her away on a special trip for a couple of days for just the two of them -- it will be a complete surprise when and where.

13 years -- Arbonne make-up party to learn how to apply make-up and figure out colors for skin-type

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Relief for Infant Congestion and Croupy-sounding cough

When my baby was just a little over three months, all her sisters came down with the flu. It was rough. Thankfully, since she was nursing around the clock, the baby never developed a fever or any horrible symptoms like her big sisters. But she developed a bad sounding cough that sounded a good bit croupy. She didn't do it all the time, but when she did cough, it sounded rough and I was terrified that it would grow worse and become hard for her to breathe. I had never had a sick baby that young before and don't usually use any kind of medicine or even natural remedies on babies that little. So I decided to ask one of my friends who had studied herbal medicine what she would suggest.

She recommended lemon eucalyptus oil diluted in olive oil and rubbed on her chest and the bottoms of her feet. She said, "For the chest, I would rub from the center/ sternum to the outside of the chest on each side. Also, if the cough is croupy I would say that is ok- as long as she is breathing well and doesn't seem to choke on it. If I got desperate I would use colloidal silver as an antibiotic. But it is so hard knowing dosages, etc. with babies- I would probably reserve it for desperation. Also- I have used onion poultices with my kids when they were little with good results. Just stir fry an onion in tiny bit of oil until it is translucent, and then put the warm onion pieces on a cloth ( thin, like a cheesecloth) on the chest. As long as the onion isn't too hot, you can even wrap it on there and just leave it for a while. That works fairly well!"


I followed her advice and also took my baby for 2 adjustments from my favorite chiropractor and my sweet baby recovered quickly and easily without growing any worse!